studio view
Aaaaaah...I wish I could be so relaxed about it all!! It's good to have a dog around to lend another perspective. Louie does not struggle with perfectionism or stress over deadlines.

I am feeling some relief actually--for the past few days I've been finding closure for most of the paintings that I need for upcoming exhibits. From here on, it's mostly tweaking and refining.

Of course, I can say that now...but from one minute to the next, my satisfaction with a painting sometimes disappears, and I find myself tearing back into it. This is followed by long hours of working my way back out of the mess. In the end, the result is almost always an improvement, but in the midst of it it can seem I've made a big mistake.

Actually, going back in to make changes is not as impulsive as I'm making it sound. It's more that I finally acknowledge something about the paining that I've been uneasy with, that is not working. Try as I may to convince myself that what I've got going is just great, my inner critic is quite insistent on having her say.

In the midst of struggling to pull it all back together, I try to remember that there really was a good reason that I did not leave well enough alone. My picky, picky perfectionist eye had found something that didn't work, and if not dealt with, the flaw would always bother me. Better to spend a few hours now dealing with it, I tell myself (as the clock ticks toward deadlines, I'm exhausted and it seems I'm taking two steps backward for every one forward.)

Drama, drama--I guess there would be less angst if I could fully and completely learn the lesson that seems to take a lifetime: "trust in the process." I sometimes have my doubts, but in the end each successful painting proves this to be true.  ¶ 8:10 PM